Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin
If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Park Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have ever refused to buy something because it's 'too pricey,' you might live in Wisconsin.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Wisconsin...
If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Wisconsin.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have either a pet or a child named 'Brett,' you might live in Wisconsin.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Wisconsin.
If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Lac Courte Oreilles, Waukesha, Menomonie, Manitowoc, Shawano, Gillett, Lac Vieux Desert, and DePere you might live in Wisconsin.
If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, '…from the land of sky-blue waters,'....you might live in Wisconsin.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN:
1. 'Vacation' means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
4. You often switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again.
5. Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.
6. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
7. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings and funerals).
8. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
9. You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
10. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.
11. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.
12. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
13. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
14. You refer to the Packers as 'we.'
15. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
16. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
17. You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau.
18. You consider Minneapolis exotic.
19. You know how to polka.
20. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
21. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
22. Down South to you means Illinois.
23. A brat is something you eat.
24. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
25. Your answer to every neighbors’ crisis is a casserole.
26. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
27. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
28. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
29. You find minus twenty degrees 'a little chilly.'
30. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Wisconsin friends.
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